So there are probably over 20 different things I could write about right now, since so many significant things have happened in my life in the past few weeks. But I want to write about one that happened just today that still has me speechless…
As many of you know, I am going on a missions trip to Africa this summer. But let me give you a little background on how this all came about. Last fall I was at our college retreat, when they announced that theMILL, along with the School of Worship would be going to several different countries in Africa the following summer. And I have to admit, that announcement meant nothing to me. I had grown up doing missions my whole life (my parents are full-time missionaries in Mexico), and I pretty much decided that I would never do out-of-country missions again. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against missions. I think they are incredible, if not necessary, to spreading the Gospel all over the world! I just felt like that part of my life was done. God wouldn’t call me to that anymore…right?
Yeah. No. I was wrong. Within a month the pulling on heart for this missions trip was so strong that I began to actually consider it. But there were several factors that stood in the way. 1) MONEY! The trip was going to start the day after my graduation, and I knew I would be completely broke. 2) My family was going to be in town for my graduation and I had already planned on spending some time after graduation with them. And… 3) I didn’t really have a heart for Africa.
Well, what would you know. I was wrong about all those again. As soon as I mentioned the idea to my parents, they were on board. They would come up early and spend time with me and then I could go, with their blessing, to serve in Africa. God began to provide extra ways for me to put money aside, along with several amazing people that jumped in with financial help right from the start. And my heart…my heart began to burn with passion for Africa! Not only was I excited about going, but I couldn’t wait to go change lives and bless those people.
K. We’ll fast forward a little now. Money was still stressful. I sent out support letters to several friends and family, but I didn’t get the response I was hoping for. And that made me nervous. But I should know better. A week before my 50% deadline, I got a call from my home church about some money they had for my trip. It was a huge help but I was still $100 short. That afternoon I was in the gym talking to a friend about my money stress, when a lady overhears me, asks me about the trip, and then decides she wants to give me…$100!!!
Next the 75% deadline is approaching. Three days before I get another call from my home church with more money…putting me at a nice whole 75%!
Ok, now we are back to today. Today is the 100% deadline. And it’s a hard deadline which means if you don’t have all your money in by tonight, you’re not going. Scary. Since the 75% deadline I hadn’t receive any new money. However I did go door to door and got enough money to put me at $600 away from 100%. So when I woke up this morning I’ll admit I was kinda nervous. Where was I going to get 600 dollars in by tonight?!
I decided to go door to door again with another girl from my team and see what we could make. But before we even started, God placed on my heart that all the money we got should go to her. Now don’t think that I’m some amazing, self-less person. I definently had my doubts. But at the same time I had this unexplainable assurance that the money was going to come. So….
I get a call from my house-mom that I needed to come home right away. And when I got home there was anonymous envelope with my name on it waiting for me. And guess what was in it? Yep. $600!!!!
So I AM GOING TO AFRICA!!!!!!! My God is amazing. That’s all I have to say.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Into Your Ams
This is a song that i recently wrote that pretty much encapsulates what God has been doing in my heart recently (see previous blog entry).
Into Your Arms
Into Your Arms
When all seems lost
And faith is hidden
And joy my shame
You are still in charge
You never miss a thing
Your eyes watch are watching over me
And your hand through the heavens reach
So I run straight into Your arms
You never let me go
I'll never run away
And I'll stay close to You my King
For You will never change
You always have place
For me
This world is lost
Concealed in darkness
This fight You've won
Can seem for naught
But You're still in charge
You never miss a thing
Your eyes are watching over me
And your hand through the heavens reach
So I run straight into Your arms
You never let me go
I'll never run away
And I'll stay close to You my King
For You will never change
You always have place
For me
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Learning to let go...
About 5 months ago I lost one of my best friends. It wasn't anything tragic. Not a car accident or death or disappearance. Nope. Instead I was asked to let go of that friendship. Ok, maybe not asked. Demanded. At the time everything around me seemed wrong. Life...school...work...God...
Losing someone you care deeply about is the most painful thing, I believe, that anyone can ever go through. You're never the same. I was never the same.
I don't always understand why God asks certain things of us. And at the time it seems like there's absolutely no way it could be for the good. There isn't a faint light at the end of the tunnel. There's not even a tunnel! And yet He asks anyways.
Something I've learned over the past five months is that when God asks something of us, there's always a reason. That might sound kinda elementary, but trust me, is not always easy to remember. After letting go of that friendship, it took quite a while for me to see any ounce or shred of reason. But if we wait, He will reveal His reasons...even if it takes months.
So you're probably wondering what the reason was that I had to let go of my dear friend. To be honest, I still don't know all the reasons. But I do know some:
1. God wants all of us. Everything. It's so easy for us to get caught up in our physical, tangible relationships that we forget the most important One. I did. God is jealous for us. He is passionately pursuing us...ALL of us.
2. When we are willing to surrender the things that mean the most to us, God can come and establish a new and deeper relationship with us. Remember Abraham and Isaac? There was nothing that meant more to Abraham then his only son. When God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, I can assure you that Abraham didn't see a light at the end of that tunnel. But he obeyed and was willing to surrender Isaac. Why? Because his obedience to God meant more to him then understanding God's reasons for taking the thing that he held most dear in his life. And God rewarded Abraham for his willingness to surrender everything. Not only did He establish a new and deeper relationship with Abraham, but He made a covenant with him that would bless him even after he had died.
3. God wants to cleanse us of our idols and the things we clinge to so desperately in this world, so that He can put a new heart and spirit in us. In Ezekial 36 God is speaking to the nation of Israel, but I belive it still applies to us today:
"I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands." (The Message)
When we clinge to things in our life too tightly, they become the things that begin to define us. And those are the things that cause are hearts to become hard. But when those things are stripped of us, its then that God can replace them with His spirit, and a heart that's God-willed. Outside of that its impossible to live by his commands. Because we will be defined by something else.
4. It's in our darkest moments, when God becomes the only thing that we have left, that we can learn to completely rely on Him. There's a song by Tim Hughs called "When the Tears Fall", that spoke truth into my heart through everything:
I've had questions, without answers
when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
in the lone hour, of my sorrow
when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
I will praise you, i will praise you
If there's any single reason that I had to claim as the sole reason for losing that friendship its this: When we get to the point where everything that means anything has been stripped of us, it's then that we understand that God is the only one that can sustain us. Its then that we learn to cry out in desperation, "my God, my God. I NEED YOU!!" Someone I highly respect once said that the three hardest words to say aren't "I love you" or "I am sorry" or "I was wrong", but simply "I need you". When we come to the place of complete brokenness, there a rebirthing that happens in our heart. It's in that brokenness and complete desperation that we learn to priase Him with everything that's inside of us. It becomes real. It become deep. And it become cemented.
Losing someone you care deeply about is the most painful thing, I believe, that anyone can ever go through. You're never the same. I was never the same.
I don't always understand why God asks certain things of us. And at the time it seems like there's absolutely no way it could be for the good. There isn't a faint light at the end of the tunnel. There's not even a tunnel! And yet He asks anyways.
Something I've learned over the past five months is that when God asks something of us, there's always a reason. That might sound kinda elementary, but trust me, is not always easy to remember. After letting go of that friendship, it took quite a while for me to see any ounce or shred of reason. But if we wait, He will reveal His reasons...even if it takes months.
So you're probably wondering what the reason was that I had to let go of my dear friend. To be honest, I still don't know all the reasons. But I do know some:
1. God wants all of us. Everything. It's so easy for us to get caught up in our physical, tangible relationships that we forget the most important One. I did. God is jealous for us. He is passionately pursuing us...ALL of us.
2. When we are willing to surrender the things that mean the most to us, God can come and establish a new and deeper relationship with us. Remember Abraham and Isaac? There was nothing that meant more to Abraham then his only son. When God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, I can assure you that Abraham didn't see a light at the end of that tunnel. But he obeyed and was willing to surrender Isaac. Why? Because his obedience to God meant more to him then understanding God's reasons for taking the thing that he held most dear in his life. And God rewarded Abraham for his willingness to surrender everything. Not only did He establish a new and deeper relationship with Abraham, but He made a covenant with him that would bless him even after he had died.
3. God wants to cleanse us of our idols and the things we clinge to so desperately in this world, so that He can put a new heart and spirit in us. In Ezekial 36 God is speaking to the nation of Israel, but I belive it still applies to us today:
"I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands." (The Message)
When we clinge to things in our life too tightly, they become the things that begin to define us. And those are the things that cause are hearts to become hard. But when those things are stripped of us, its then that God can replace them with His spirit, and a heart that's God-willed. Outside of that its impossible to live by his commands. Because we will be defined by something else.
4. It's in our darkest moments, when God becomes the only thing that we have left, that we can learn to completely rely on Him. There's a song by Tim Hughs called "When the Tears Fall", that spoke truth into my heart through everything:
I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true
when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
in the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more
when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, i will praise you
when the tears fall, still i will sing to you
i will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still i will sing
If there's any single reason that I had to claim as the sole reason for losing that friendship its this: When we get to the point where everything that means anything has been stripped of us, it's then that we understand that God is the only one that can sustain us. Its then that we learn to cry out in desperation, "my God, my God. I NEED YOU!!" Someone I highly respect once said that the three hardest words to say aren't "I love you" or "I am sorry" or "I was wrong", but simply "I need you". When we come to the place of complete brokenness, there a rebirthing that happens in our heart. It's in that brokenness and complete desperation that we learn to priase Him with everything that's inside of us. It becomes real. It become deep. And it become cemented.
Now believe me when I say that I hope none of you will ever have to get to the place of pain and brokenness that I experienced, in order to become desperate. But I do wish that all of you could experiene the joy that comes in the morning after becoming solely reliant on joy. I would not trade what I have been going through for anything.
I know that God is not done revealing the reasons and lessons He has for me and I will continue to keep you in the know... :)
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Getting the hang of things..
So after enjoying reading many of my friends blogs and online journals, I thought I would give it a try. I have found more and more that I really enjoy journaling as of late, so I am looking forward to sharing some of my thoughts with all of you. Let the discovering begin!! ok. That was a little cheesy, but I am excited about getting started. :)
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